My Friend

Nathaniel:

It has taken me a while to put together the words that I wanted to say.  Today, June 2nd, you would have turned 32.  It was a week ago we said good bye and laid you to rest.  It was one month ago today, that I emailed you after too long a lapse in our friendship.  I never heard from you.  Your sister said that it was because you weren't sure what to tell those of us who knew you in high school about the choices you had made over the past 15 years.

It wouldn't have mattered.  We would have accepted you as our friend and continued loving you.  That's what friends do.

I have never been more struck with sadness as I was last week in San Angelo.  Though it had been since high school since we had last talked, I felt like we would have picked up right where we left off.  That's how it was with you.  So easy to talk to.  So easy to listen to.  The tragic-ness of your loss was felt in everyone I talked to.  My heart is broken that your daughter will never know your humor.  That your wife, sister, parents, and other family must go on without you. That we, your friends, will never have the opportunity to tell you that we loved you and that we never wanted anything for you, but happiness.  That we would have gladly welcomed you inour home, on the phone, or via email, without judgement.  That's what friends do.  I'm sorry that we failed at being your friend.  I'm sorry that I never got the chance to tell you all the things that now I can't.  I'm sorry that you felt you couldn't answer my email.  And I'm most sorry that I didn't call you, even though I had your number.

Your mother was right, you know.  Each of us has intrinsic worth and no decision we make can take that away.  You were loved by many and, unfortunately, it took your death for us to be able to express those words to you.  We always think we have more time.  There is always tomorrow, or the next reunion.

I hope that you can forgive me.  Forgive me for not keeping in touch.  Forgive me for not finding you sooner.  Forgive me for not calling.

May this space continue on and may your family, your daughter, find comfort in the words written here.  May the pictures and stories help them, us, catch a glimpse of the incredible person that you were.

I pray that you have found comfort in the loving arms of Jesus.  May the Lord Bless You and Keep You.

--Jeremy